Sniffing Friendship

Countryside Column for 12 September

Hail fellow well met.

            Dogs are famous for it. They hardly ever see a fellow canine without proffering a personal greeting (though let’s draw a discrete veil over just how they do it).

People, however, seldom acknowledge the presence of another of their species even when passing closely in the street. (Thank heavens, you may say, if they were expected to ape the doggy way of doing it!).

            But I think it’s a pity.  I’ve just returned from a summer sojourn in a little French village in the Languedoc. There it is absolutely de rigueur to say ‘bonjour’ to any and every person you pass.  Instead of deliberately avoiding eye contact, you look up, smile and, with a slight nod of the head, give your salutation.

            The very act of doing so makes you feel good and gives the recipient a reciprocal glow. 

There are some potential pitfalls.  At around six in the evening you might be thinking that “bonsoir” would be more appropriate than ‘bonjour’.  And it might be.  Or it might not.  There really is no way of telling.  If you say good-evening, their reply will almost invariably be good-day.  If you say good-day, they will probably say good-evening.  I was given a rule of thumb that if it is the end of a working day then ‘soir’ would be appropriate.  So you go into the baker’s late on to buy a baguette and you wish him ‘bonjour’ because he’s still working.  But if you are delayed and find him just locking up the shop, then ‘bonsoir’ would be right as he’s finished work. (Though you might say it through gritted teeth because you’d be breadless for supper.)  But even this rule is not immutable.

Anyway I was put in mind of this while walking Myrtle up on the West Hill in Hastings. Dog owners happily greet each other and chat about the weather or their respective hounds. But pass someone without a dog and eye contact is avoided, making a greeting not just difficult but positively inappropriate.   In my Kentish village it’s almost the same.  You can greet someone you know, however vaguely, but not a stranger.  Walking country lanes or footpaths is better, and saying ‘hi’ seems almost always acceptable.

My recipe for a friendlier life is to drop our reserve and greet everyone warmly whenever we encounter them.  Go on.  Try it for a week and see how it feels!