Castle is the Dirty Rascal

Hastings Independeny 

The Castle is the Dirty Rascal

By Kent Barker

I pity the poor tourist whose expectations are so rudely dashed when visiting Hastings Castle. For a start it’s far from easy to get to. There’s a steep path down from the West Hill with vertiginous steps so narrow that two people can barely pass and so overgrown that brambles tear their flesh.  Or it’s a long coronary inducing walk up Castle Hill Road to an uninspiring entrance along a dull alley.  There you are confronted by a mean little ticket office more fitted for a dungeon-keeper than welcoming curator.

But none of that would matter if the Hastings Castle “Experience” knocked your socks off.  But it doesn’t because, quite frankly, there is no ‘castle’ to speak of.  Just a few haphazard piles of stones - one even wonders if the name itself mightn’t fall foul of the Trades Descriptions Act? 

Certainly the blurb from the website describing it as an “iconic building” seems pretty dubious given there is, effectively, no building, and the semi-illiterate claim that “Hastings Castle is a fun yet education (sic) day out for all the family” is pretty preposterous too. After touring the ruins for 15 minutes and watching the 20 minute video I can just imagine the conversation. Offspring: “Dad, can we go now I’m bored. I want an ice cream”. Dad: “No we can’t go.  I’ve paid £18.10 for the family ticket and it’s supposed to be a day out, as well as a fun yet educational experience”.

I admit I didn’t see the video on my visit.  It was closed. But I assume that it would have been shown in the utterly incongruous barracks-shaped pink hut plonked down in the centre of the ‘castle’ grounds.  Whoever designed this or gave permission for it to be erected should be unceremoniously dispatched to the dungeons.

But just who is in charge of this visitor ‘attraction’? Wikipedia suggests it’s owned by Hastings Council, but it seems to be run by Aspro Parks along with the Smuggler’s Adventure and the Bluereef Aquarium.  Perhaps those responsible should take cognisance of Trip Advisor comments: “Overpriced and tired”;  “Mainly in ruins (and not too much of them either) which made it a bit of a rip-off.”

One suggestion is to reconstruct it entirely – a bit tricky since half the keep has disappeared as the cliff was eroded – but at least there’d be something to see. Come on Hastings.  You can do better!