From the sublime to the cor blimey!

Courier Column 18 October

From the sublime to the cor blimey!

Among my friends in the village, there seems to be an informal competition to see who can run the most absurd vehicle.  And, with my latest eBay purchase, I think I’m about to take the lead.

For a while it was old Land Rovers, where Fergie – my disreputable 1970 model – rather set the benchmark. Then, last winter, a mate got his van stuck in the snow and Fergie effortlessly pulled him out. A fortnight later the friend appeared at the pub in a green Series Three Land Rover probably no more than 30 years old. However, the snow melted, and I’m not sure he’s used it since.

Meanwhile a community orchard colleague decided his Subaru wasn’t butch enough and also went shopping for a Landy. He came home with the body of a Series Two, packed with a modern Defender engine.

By complete coincidence, both these new Land Rover owners had previously run Morris Minors around the parish. So both, I contend, lost competition points in the change over – the 1960s BMC vehicles clearly being more absurd than the practical 4x4s.

Coming up pretty quickly on the inside, is our tennis club friend. He’d tried to compete with a pair of Porsches but, while eccentrically expensive, they just couldn’t cut true competition absurdity.

But his next purchase, a 1937 Rolls Royce, did. This is undoubtedly a magnificent beast – gleaming paintwork, sparkling chrome, luxuriant leather. As a mark of his dedication, he got his garage extended (though even now I’m not sure he can open the door wide enough to get out once he’s parked ‘Little Ethel’).

So, although she surely rates highly for absurdity, it’s not, I contend, high enough to beat my Jeremy (aka Clarkson’s Despair). After the sublime Roller, Jeremy is the embodiment of ridiculous. He’s a 1993 blue hatchback with an 848cc engine, and taxed as a tricycle. Got it yet? Yes, Jeremy is a Reliant Robin.

Now why, you ask, would any right thinking person want a Robin? The answer: to convert it to electric! I reckon that 90% of my journeys are less than five miles from home. Expensive and unecological to crank up the family car each time. Better by far to go electric. Trouble is I’ve yet to work out precisely how to do the conversion, but when I do – look out Ethel – Jeremy’s on your tail and surely unbeatable in the absurdity stakes.

See photo of Jeremy Robin below.